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terry and denise

I’m married to a psychologist. I’m 37 hours + dissertation away from my own Ph.D. in Psychology (I know, I know it is still a lot! But to count it down helps! 2016 seems like such a long ways away!). My daughter is getting her Master’s in Psychology. My son is working on his Bachelor’s in Cyber-criminology. Needless to say our family meals – the few we have since our kids are adults now – are very weird. Weird, as in we talk about strange things. “Psycho-babble”. We are psychology geeks. Or is that freaks?

For me, to seek counseling has zero stigma attached. But… some folks do think that seeing a counselor is something to be ashamed of and try to hide the fact they may be getting professional help.

Don’t misunderstand. I don’t think you should tell your life story to every single stranger you encounter who asks, “How are you, today?” But when is it OK to seek professional help and talk to someone about all the things you DO have trouble expressing to anyone else?

I Feel Like I’m not as Independent…

A friend of mine found out I was seeing a counselor. She knows me well enough that she can ask me nosy questions and I don’t even feel as if she is being – well, NOSY. With her permission, I’m copying the gist of the conversation here:

Her: “You are one of the most independent people I know! Why are you so open about seeing a counselor? Aren’t you afraid people will think you aren’t as strong as you let on? I think if I went to see one I wouldn’t be able to let anyone know!”

Me: “Well it doesn’t work that way. I need someone to listen and who will give me objective advice. If they were my bestie like you, they wouldn’t give it to me straight!”

Her: “Hey. I tell you like it is all the time!”

Me: “Giving me a ‘dose of reality’ is different than being objective from a trained, counselor’s point of view. How can something make me less strong when I walk out of there feeling ‘stronger’?”

Her: “I dunno. I thought you were ‘Ms. Independence’. It seems strange to hear YOU are going to see a licensed counselor!”

Me: “You are missing the point. I’m seeing a counselor so that I can continue to be independent about the right things, but am also learning to be dependent in a healthy way. Geesh this life is hard enough without trying to ‘go it alone’. We all need help from time to time!”

She remains unconvinced, but hey! I think she’s coming around.

So Should you see a Counselor?

So how DO you know if you should see a counselor?

Psychology Today has a great little “self test” that helps you determine if you should seek therapy. You can find it here: CLICK HERE

Another great little quiz to help you make this determination can be found here at Psych Central’s website: CLICK HERE

The Huffington Post put out a great article in February, “8 Signs You Should See a Therapist”. You can find that article here: CLICK HERE

Those 8 “signs” include:

1. Everything you feel is intense

2. You’ve suffered a trauma and you can’t seem to quit thinking about it

3. You have unexplained and recurrent headaches, stomach-aches or a rundown immune system

4. You’re using a substance to cope

5. You’re getting bad feedback at work

6. You feel disconnected from previously beloved activities

7. Your relationships are strained

8. Your friends have told you they’re concerned

People with disability or living with invisible, chronic illness can benefit from counseling. Whether you are struggling to cope, grieving “something lost”, feeling angry or depressed, or just feeling overwhelmed, seeking help can prove very beneficial. It doesn’t make you weak. If anything, it shows how proactive you are about your own mental and emotional health. Recognizing that “all parts” of who we are need to be strong is a sign you are being pretty darn good to yourself!

How do I find Help?

Where do I find help? My favorite “how to” article is several years old, but I still think it’s the best advice I’ve seen. You can check out the article by Dr. Aletta here: CLICK HERE

For me, I had to find someone that was “in network”. I can’t afford to pay for counseling other than a co-pay. Sometimes practices will have pro-rated charges based on your income. For most of us though, we have to go see who our insurance will pay for to help alleviate costs. Depending on your insurance, you can probably find a list of “in network” counselors, therapists, and psychologists. For me, finding someone who had similar faith practices was important. Doctrine wasn’t as important as finding someone who believes there is a God. So you may have to go to the web and search too, matching practices up with who your insurance says is “in network”. If you don’t have insurance, or insurance won’t cover counseling, there are still options. (The article I gave you *points up* gives some great tips).

Feel free to comment here or privately email me. I’m pretty open about my own “journey to a healthy mental/emotional, Denise”. If you live in an area where counselors are “few”, you may find assistance at area worship centers. If confidentiality is a MUST (meaning you don’t even want to be seen coming and going), a new trend includes cyber-counseling. A licensed and trained counselor sees you at a designated time through a web-cam, so it is still face-to-face (important for those of us that need to see a face to communicate well).

Denise Portis

© 2014 Personal Hearing Loss Journal