20 Things I Learned from My Hearing Assistance Dog

(Denise, Chloe and Kyersten at “Water’s Edge Putt-Putt in Lancaster County PA)

This past month, I typed up a quick list to turn in with my monthly report for Chloe. I didn’t realize I “learned” so much about her each month!

20 Things I Learned About Chloe

1. Never pour water out of a water bottle you were drinking out of into Chloe’s dish, unless you are willing to drink after her. She’s convinced it tastes better to lap up while it is pouring!

2. Hiding the timer under a couch cushion you are sitting on never works out to your advantage. To find it, and get the special “alert” treat, results in an unladylike, sprawled pile on the floor!

3. If I don’t put Chloe is a sit/stay when putting the wet clothes from the washer into the dryer, she’s convinced she’s suppose to help.

4. Don’t ever dump a gigantic bag of Eukanuba dog food into the storage container without someone other than Chloe to “spot you”. She will not yell out a warning that the bag is pouring dog food on the floor.

5. Always say, “here it goes” right before switching on the garbage disposal. Otherwise Chloe has to jump up to see what is making all the racket in the sink. (Chloe thinks the garbage disposal is called “here it goes”.)

6. Don’t turn to a slowpoke daughter behind you on a walk who is working and teaching a puppy to heel and say, “Would you HURRY UP?” Chloe will pee right where she stands!

7. Always close the piano lid or Chloe will play it when you leave the room.

8. Always put the cat gate up as soon as you open the cat room in the morning. Chloe knows right away when you forget it!

9. Do not reward Chloe with a tiny piece of canned chicken from the fridge if you have a bag of apples tucked under your arm. The open REFRIGERATED container of canned chicken slops right out in the floor when you are juggling apples, chicken and Chloe.

10. Do not ask Chloe to retrieve the toilet paper that rolled out of your reach when you are going to the bathroom and notice the toilet paper needs changed. She picks up the END of the toilet paper and trots over to you, not the whole roll!

11. Do not step on Chloe’s tail when you get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. She screeches like a hyena and trips you up onto the floor. Needless to say you don’t have to go to bathroom anymore.

12. When arising from a sitting position on the floor WITHOUT Chloe’s help, do not raise your butt up first with your hands on the floor to steady yourself. Chloe reads this as a “classic butt in the air” let’s PLAY with each other dog language stance.

13. Do not reach down to absentmindedly pet Chloe when she has just turned to sniff one of your cat’s hind ends. The cat scratches YOU and not her.

14. Do not tell Chloe “settle” when you are trying to get her to return to work after playing, unless YOU have stopped laughing. If there is a smile in your voice, “settle” isn’t for real.

15. When in a public bathroom in a stall with Chloe, do NOT ask her “what is it?” if she cocks her head at a noise. She will try to dart under the stall to SHOW you what IT IS!

16. Do not scream DANG IT if you push your glass under the button on the fridge for water, and ice comes out instead. Chloe will come running and will “chase” ice cubes all over the kitchen floor.

17. When helping your daughter epi-lady her Chinese Crested puppy, do not turn to Chloe and say, “YOU’RE NEXT”. She’s difficult to coax out from under the bed.

18. If Chloe looks at you very…VERY still…like she’s waiting for a volcano to erupt out of the full load of laundry you are getting ready to pick up and take upstairs… always dig to find the cat that is hiding under the clothes!

19. Do not say “Hup” to Chloe when sitting in front of your brand new web camera when you call your mom for the first time using it. All your mom will see will be your legs sticking up in the air and Chloe sitting in the chair you just vacated.

20. Always check to see if it’s raining and storming BEFORE you ask Chloe “Do you want to go on a WALK?” If you are deaf and can’t hear the thunder, it’s a poor excuse to not go walking in Chloe’s thinking.

Denise Portis
©2007 Hearing Loss Diary

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