Do you know what motivates you? Sometimes it can be all about discovering what does NOT motivate you.
Someone close to me has been bombarded with the very negative attempts by someone who has failed to learn what motivates others. In the end, it only served to demoralize and fracture their relationship. It is unlikely it can be salvaged.
I very much want to be a good motivator. Sometimes that begins with learning what motivates each individual. I even would go so far as to say that it all revolves around our love language. We all have one.
One of my favorite books is “The 5 Love Languages”. Gary Chapman has since written or co-written even more books, as this title has captured the hearts of many people seeing to learn what love language to speak to those close to them. The 5 basic love languages are “physical touch”, “words of affirmation”, “quality time”, “receiving gifts”, and “acts of service”.
Even Chloe, my hearing assistance dog, has a love language. Hers is obviously “physical touch” (although the occasional doggie treat, a.k.a. “receiving gifts” is always great too!). Even when we were in training she would wiggle her way close for some petting and scratching. I would go over to my trainer’s house sometimes to train for particular things, and she noticed right away that Chloe would scoot close and I would just mindlessly pet her. The only problem was, that I had not even noticed she broke a command like a down/stay to come over for some “physical touch” from Denise. Another time, when Chloe was distracted chewing on a rawhide toy while my trainer and I talked, I reached over to pet one of her own dogs that had come close. Chloe looked up and was immediately offended. If her mouth could have dropped open it would have! As it was, she simply walked as far away as she could get from me and turned her back and sat there. Pat, (my trainer) and I were astonished! Physical touch from Denise was Chloe’s love language, and for me to be displaying it to another dog was equivalent to adultery I think!
My daughter’s love language and primary motivator is quality time. It means so much to her for me to drop everything and give her my undivided attention. My son’s love language is a combination of physical touch (which can include a quick back scratching or playful slug) and “receiving gifts”. (No worries… we don’t buy him big things like an iPod, a computers, etc. It can be small things like remembering to buy his favorite Progresso soup!)
Learn to speak someone’s love language and learn to motivate them in a positive way. It doesn’t even mean you have to LOVE that person. It can be a co-worker, a boss, a pastor, a mother-in-law! Learning what motivates people can ultimately help you. Your relationships will be better and healthier. If in doubt, look for the way that person tends to reach out to people. We often “speak” the love language we want spoken!
©2007 Hearing Loss Diary