Reverse Discrimination

Kyersten and Chloe at the "Candle Barn" in Bird-in-Hand, PA
Kyersten and Chloe at the “Candle Barn” in Bird-in-Hand, PA

Discrimination. Pronounced, the word even “sounds” ugly. According to the United States E.E.O.C, discrimination can fall into the following cateogries: age, disability, equal pay/compensation, genetic information, national origin, pregnancy, race/color, religion, retaliation, sex, and sexual harassment (U.S. EEOC, 2013).

For those of us with any kind of disability, the Office of Civil Rights enforces Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, Section 408 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, and Title II of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990. As I mitigate my own disabilities with a service dog, I was thrilled to see the ADA clarify specifics for folks like myself (See ADA 2010 Revised Requirements).

One of the more troubling truths about discrimination, however, is how quickly the “tables can turn”. Those who are often discriminated against can very easily become those who discriminate. It sneaks up on you.

Teaching the Teacher

The photo above is of my daughter, age twenty-three, and taken at one of our favorite “day trip” areas. Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania, is a quaint little village in Lancaster county that makes you feel as if you’ve stepped back in time. Kyersten is a young adult now and I’m pleased we are friends. She has taught me many things through the years as she usually presents tough topics with the poise and thoughtfulness someone twice her age would do.

I always welcome one-on-one talks with her, but in early 2010 I initially was NOT pleased when she informed me that I was discriminatory towards people who had normal hearing.

I sputtered, “Wha…?”

Like she tends to do she began to systematically present the proof. “For one thing, when you are exasperated with a communication problem, you call us ‘hearing people’. Makes me feel like a different species!”

She continued her argument by explaining that I often forget that people without disabilities can be just as big a champion for folks with disabilities as the individual themselves. This may be especially true of those who care for someone with disabilities.

Later, a discussion with my husband had me really feeling sheepish about my own apparent hypocrisy. “It’s perfectly natural to seek out people who struggle with the same things you do, but when is the last time you befriended someone without disabilities? You have OTHER things in common with people. For example, your faith, your background, and your profession… all put you in specific environments where you can get to know people and enjoy the reciprocal benefits of friendship.”

OUCH.

“License to Kill”

To “self-identify” is a topic discussed in many forums. Many believe that to do so goes hand-in-hand with acceptance and self-respect. One of my favorite “women of courage” buddies is a young woman by the name of Hunter. She and I both received our assistance dogs from Fidos For Freedom, Inc. Hunter was the first person I heard use the term “differently abled” instead of disabled.

I totally “get” choosing a more positive spin on a word many of us hate at times. However, I’ve also learned that because this is STILL the way the law identifies us (and protects us), I’m OK with being a person with disabilities. (Though like Hunter, I will quickly point out exactly how I simply do things differently…)

Labels – even those we pin on ourselves – can go SO WRONG, however. Once we start behaving as if our status “sets us apart” and in some way elevates us over another, we’ve really lost our purpose. Our goal is equality after all, correct? Many blogs I follow written by people with disabilities or who live with invisible illness, simply want to be accepted and treated normally.

I’m disabled and YOU are not… therefore I’m entitled to this, and This, and THIS. Obviously, a person who does this has missed the point. Yet, just as we may inadvertently reverse discriminate against those who live WITHOUT disability or invisible illness, we may choose to wear our “badge” as if it gives us free reign to disrespect others.

Guard your Tongue

Are you a person with a disability? Do you live with invisible illness? Does a chronic medical condition shape who you are? Do you have a service animal?

YOU are a person of influence.

Recently, I went to get a new contact prescription. I’m having to do so every 4-6 months unfortunately. As a result, I’m getting to know my eye care professional very well. At my last appointment with her encouragement for me to “see a specialist” ringing in my ears, she rolled her chair closer to me and said, “Can I share something with you?”

Immediately wary of the WAY she said it, I hesitated but said, “Sure! What’s up?”

She shared, “Until I started seeing you, I hated knowing a hard-of-hearing patient was waiting for me in the examination room. In the past, hard-of-hearing patients seem to be defensive, argumentative, and easily frustrated. I understand it can be hard to look through corrective lens with the Phoroptor as it means you cannot see my face to hear, but you are the first to not act as if it is my fault”.

I was stunned. I’ve always used humor to try and alleviate any discomfort others may feel as I enter an establishment with service dog and blinged-out cochlear implant. Yet later, I found myself wondering if I had ever treated someone poorly simply because I was frustrated.

Hopefully, my ability to laugh at my own fax pas and miscommunications will compensate for some of the bad experiences my optometrist had with people who have hearing loss. With regret, however, I could remember many times where I “blew it” and had a negative influence.

One rainy day, I entered a new building on another campus for a class and stopped at the security desk for directions. Before I could state the problem, the campus officer asked, “Why is that dog in here?”

Yeah. She could have stated it a little more diplomatically, but I became immediately defensive. I blurted out all the ADA information I knew about service dogs and then said with exasperation, “Where are the elevators for the classrooms above?” Several weeks later after classes were finally routine for me, I had to stop and apologize to her. I was out of line.

Every encounter you have with people at work, stores, places of business, and even church are an opportunity for you to be a GOOD influence. You set the stage for future encounters for these folks. We can be a good influence or a bad one. We shape future encounters for people just like us. Remembering that has helped me be a little more patient.

Bottom line, my point? Let’s practice what we preach…

Denise Portis

© 2013 Personal Hearing Loss Journal

United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (2013). Discrimination by type. Retrieved March 25, 2013, from http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/

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4 thoughts on “Reverse Discrimination

  1. Hi Denise. I wonder if all of your “women of courage” are disabled. It seems to me that the parents of disabled children are people of courage that few ever recognize. We stumble through raising our children, gleaning information, skills and protection of their rights as we go along. We often find ourselves in almost combative situations with educational, medical and social professionals to simply insure that our children are allowed the accommodations best suited to their needs and to allow them the freedom to grow into the accomplished adults of which they are capable. Particularly in the deaf/HOH community, hearing parents are frequently ridiculed, compromised and negated as though they cannot possibly understand what it is like to be deaf/HOH. It seems to me that we parents are the unsung advocates and often the ones who are instrumental in changes of both law and attitude.

    1. I couldn’t agree more Nancy. As parents work with all the professionals working on IEP’s and accommodations for their children, they are also being an EXAMPLE. I know my own kids have learned both good – and bad behavior and responses by watching me. Parents – unsung advocates. YES! 🙂

  2. Sometimes I don’t think it is that we just reach out with those with disabilities but they are the only ones that seem to respond. Yes we have to be so careful disability or not with our mouths. I don’t find it the fault of others having a hearing disability. I think it is sometimes what they say that creates a natural negative response. You have me thinking about this wondering is that the only part of society that I reach out to. Before I became deaf I reached out to those in different ministry’s usually for me it has always been important that one realizes there is hope. As a Christian my hope is built in my belief in Jesus Christ. That being said it never stopped me from reaching out to others outside my faith and it still does not.My message is still the same but God has placed me in a different situation Using FB as we do it is sad but true usually the only ones that respond are those who have had needs themselves. I still have my other world but as you begin to age people move or move on to the next life. I am so thankful that I do have contact with many from years ago. Sometimes when your world tumbles people tumble. When my husband was first brain injured many were there until the newness wore off and reality set in. From then on it often times became a lonely caregiving road. Life is perplexed now and so many have so much going on they don’t have the room they use to have to spend time helping others. So now we both have disabilities. My mission still the same the desire to bring hope to the table still the same. God has moved me into this new arena and I don’t see it as disabled I see it as a growing experience that God has blessed me with and I have learned so much more in life from. Had to step out of the normal box to find it. Although difficult at times I feel very blessed by my new group of friends I have an addition of friends that have forever changed my life and made it better. Amazing no matter life we are in if we can see the blessings life is good. When I step out of bounds like you I feel it very important when I can to go and make those things right. It does set the stage for further encounters. A very good message here Denise.

    1. Sharon, I am SO thankful for the connections I have made since hearing loss and Meniere’s impacted my life. Yes, we can make friends in other arenas… but those who live what we live just have a connections others cannot. I do try to not overlook opportunities to befriend those who may actually be WAY different too. I have learned there is great value in different kinds of friends. 🙂

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